Frodo - How Did He Get So Skinny Anyway?
by Jitendra
Summary: Frodo goes for a walk! And meets some friends! And eats some food! And discovers something *dreadful*!


My first Lord of the Rings fic! Have yah ever noticed that, in the book at least, Frodo and the others seem to eat alot? Archive? If yah want, but ask me first. Review please!  
  
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Frodo - How the hell did he get so skinny anyway?  
  
This is a story of hobbits. And Elves. And dwarves. And men. And Wizards. And Lunch.  
Our adventure begins with Frodo, a young hobbit destined for greatness, although he is currently destined for a nice stroll round the shire.   
Just as he was leaving his hobbit-hole, Frodo heard someone call out to him. Turning he saw it was Sam Gamgee.   
"Ho there Mr. Frodo! Come and have breakfast with me!" called Sam. Frodo smiled.  
"I've already eaten breakfast Sam!" he called. "But I'll have some with you anyway!"  
So off Frodo went with Sam, and they ate a wonderful breakfast and were merry. But soon Frodo had to set off again. Just as he was about to leave, Sam said in a worried voice   
"Hang on Mr. Frodo! You haven't had your post-breakfast breakfast yet!" So they ate once again and were merry even more. But then Frodo did take his leave and strolled happily along the road, when another voice called him - and surprise! It was Gandalf.   
"Hello Frodo!" said the wizard. "What a lovely day! Would you like some pre-lunch breakfast?" he asked. Frodo looked uncertain, but it would be rude not to accept, so he and the wizard settled down to eat a meal that apperantly materialized out of nowhere. Gandalf had with him some extremely delicious buns.  
"I'm so glad you like them Frodo. These buns were made by the Supremely ultimately magically magical elves that live in the most unhabitable place in the world. So They're guaranteed to be magically delicious! But -" the wizard suddenly turned grave "- you must never eat them in the service of evil! If you do you'll be damned for all your damned eternally damned life, damn you!" The wizard glared at Frodo for awhile, and then his mood changed so fast Frodo's shirt caught fire. Gandalf proceeded to tell the Hobbit of all the terrible things that would happen lest he disregard his warnings, but Frodo listened with only one ear because he was currently beating flames off the other one.   
After things had settled down, the wizard and the hobbit had some lunch, and then Frodo was off again. He was beginning to wonder if leaving his home had been a good idea after all. But the day was so nice, and his shirt was hardly singed really, and just then he was called to by an elf.   
"Hello. You do not know me but I of course know all about you, because like all elves I am a stalker." said the elf.  
"Oh" said Frodo wearily. "Are you the elf thats been standing outside my bedroom window at night for the past few weeks? I've been wondering who you were"  
"I'm afraid that my name is unpronouncable in your language, but people call me Stalker. Would you like some lunch?" Frodo was anxious to learn more about this elf, so he accepted, and he and Stalker had a merry lunch. Soon the elf left- giving Frodo a parting gift of course. The hobbit learned nothing at all from Stalker, but hey, now he had a nifty glowing-stone thing thats probably evil.   
Frodo had hardly started walking again before his name again rang out in the shire. It was Bill the Pony.  
"Hello Frodo" said Bill, his voice sounding remarkably like that of Jean Chrietian. "Would you 'ave some lunch wit' me?" he asked. Frodo stared at him.   
"How are you talking?! And I've already had lunch!" he snapped.   
"Ah come on! 'ave lunch wit' me! I 'ave some nice hay!" said Bill the pony.   
"Fine! But it had better be good hay!" said Frodo, and he ate hay with Bill. I can't tell you what skill and bravery it took to get away from Bill. Just then, our irritated hobbit was confronted by a talking copy of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.  
"What now!" yelled Frodo. The book looked afronted..... sort of.... if you squinted.  
"Why Frodo!" it said. "I am your magical friend and guide through life! Come lets have some pre-supper supper!"  
"No! I DON'T WANT ANY FOOD!!!" screamed Frodo. People he'd seen that day stopped and stared at him. Sam Gamgee burst into tears.   
"WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! WHY ARE YOU ALL TRYING TO MAKE ME EAT?"   
"Why Frodo, I'm offended that you'd think we were trying to fatten you up!" said Gandalf, sounding dismayed.   
"Wha.. I never said... I said you were trying to make me eat" said Frodo, backing away.   
"Way to go, you stupid old wizard. Now he's on to us!" said Stalker.   
"On... on to you?" Frodo looked flaberghasted, then suddenly he whipped out his blade, Sting.  
"I knew this day would come!" he exclaimed. "Back! BACK I say! Lest I slay you to death!" he brandished Sting at them. Then, swift as a - well, as a hobbit, he ran off out of the Shire and was never seen again.   
"Damn!" said the Book. "That would have been some mighty tasty hobbit!" Everyone grumbled about the escape of Frodo. Sam Gamgee exploded.   
It is told that after Frodo's permanent departure from the Shire he became a creature like Gollum, named Frodum. But Frodum didn't have a Ring to be obsessed with, like Gollum did, and therefore became obsessed with an old boot which he called Precious and wandered around speaking to it.   
  
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Wow, a Lord of the Rings fanfic by me. If you haven't caught on, this fic follows uh, a crazy made up timeline. yay.   
- Adolescent Jess 


End file.
